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| Indy cars look like rocket ships. | Stock cars look like the ones you wrecked last week and still owe 12 payments on. |
| When Indy cars bump into a wall, they explode. | Stock cars slam against each other, bounce off a concrete fence, do a double-back flip and keep going. |
| Indy fans are named Biff and Buffy. | Stock car fans are named BUBBA and Bonnie Sue. |
| Indy fans can name all the Presidents. | Most stock car fans can name the President. |
| Indy fans are fly fisherman. | Stock car fans belong to B.A.S.S. |
| Indy cars are assembled by a team of Swiss and German scientists in a top secret laboratory in Geneva. | Stock cars are built in the back of Gomer's garage by men named Waddel, Junior, and Banjo. |
| When an Indy car race is over, drivers shake hands. | When a stock car race is over, drivers shake their fists. |
| Most Indy car fans could not tell you who won last years race. | Stock car fans can recite every race winner,and what he had for breakfast for the last 30 years. |
| Indy car fans wont leave home without American Express. | Stock car fans wont leave home without their drink coolers. |
| The Indy 500 has yet to sell it's name to a corporate sponsor. . | A stock car promoter will name his race after a bathroom disinfectant, personal hygiene product or cat food if the price is right |
| The average Indy car driver looks like James Bond. | The average stock car driver looks like Indiana Jones. |
| Indy car drivers act like they are doing you a favor if they glance your way. | Stock car drivers will autograph your hat, tell you where the fish are biting and ask you over to their house for supper. |
| Buffy wears heels. | Bonnie Sue married one. |
| Biff subscribes to the Wall Street Journal. | BUBBA buys Guns and Ammo off the rack. |
| Indy car fans know the party's over when the pate' runs out. | Stock car fans know the party's over when the police arrive. |
| Indy car drivers are named Mario. | Stock car drivers are named Fireball. |
| Indy car writers like to pop a cork, sit around and discuss the new Penske chassis. | Stock car writers like to pop a top, sit around and discuss Brooke's chassis. |
| Indy car writers sweat and toll over award winning stories. | Stock car writers worry about explaining their expense accounts when they get back home. |
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